Eu nu te mai cunosc.
Usor de spus, usor de scris si usor de simtit.
Ne-am impartit gandurile si sentimentele timp de o perioada de timp. Am folosit prea multe cuvinte si prea putine atingeri si de aici a venit pasul meu gresit, am calcat un pic stramb pe piciorul stang si astfel glezna mea s-a umflat si la putin timp dupa n-am mai putut sa merg.
Am terminat fluxul continuu de rasete si minute tot prin cuvinte, de data aceasta, insotite de lacrimi. Lacrimile mele insotite de sughituri, sufocari si lesin au fost aproape de mine o alta perioada de timp, mai dureroasa, perioada de recuperare.
Am pus un capat tuturor amintirilor in momentul in care seninatatea a inlocuit tristetea, in momentul in care dorinta de a inlocui cuvintele cu atingeri a disparut... In momentul acela m-am simtit din nou ca atunci cand, avand glezna prea umflata, am cazut ca si cum as fi ramas fara pamant sub picioare.
Noi nu ne mai cunoastem.
..For ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life.
Daca ti-ai dat seama, afla ca desi cel mai bun lucru care mi s-a intamplat a fost ascuns sub toata suferinta aceea, regretul meu cel mai mare e acela fata de tine. Poate ca tu m-ai iertat.. Eu inca n-am reusit, oricat de mult am invatat.
ultimul post pe tema asta, pentru ca tot ce mi-a ramas acum e regretul.. no feelings.
I feel stupid and contagious.
Six months of pointlessly running in circles. That's all it took for me to understand the monstruosity of five, obnoxious, cruel and painful years.
I was dumb. No, not dumb, but stupid. Really stupid, really dumb..Clueless. Stupid, dumb, and clueless enough to throw myself over the edge of a cliff for a person who wasn't, techically, part of my family.
No, we didn't share the same blood...But our inexistent blood relations did not stop me from doing what I did. They actually made me evern more eager to do it.. I simply can't say that I was forced in any way to do what I did. There was and I'm afraid that there still is a part of me who did it because she truly wanted to.
And what was it? Murder. Cold blooded murder.
I'm not proud for taking a life, but I'm not ashamed of it either. Something in the way I was brought up didn't make me capable of understanding what implications are there in taking someone's life away.
No, I didn't know what life is, what freedom is and, especially, I didn't, couldn't understand why people fought so hard over all these things. I barely understand it now, after going through all the suffering one person can cause in five years.
I was sixteen when I met him. Naively sixteen.
To be continued. (Cheesy, I know)
I was dumb. No, not dumb, but stupid. Really stupid, really dumb..Clueless. Stupid, dumb, and clueless enough to throw myself over the edge of a cliff for a person who wasn't, techically, part of my family.
No, we didn't share the same blood...But our inexistent blood relations did not stop me from doing what I did. They actually made me evern more eager to do it.. I simply can't say that I was forced in any way to do what I did. There was and I'm afraid that there still is a part of me who did it because she truly wanted to.
And what was it? Murder. Cold blooded murder.
I'm not proud for taking a life, but I'm not ashamed of it either. Something in the way I was brought up didn't make me capable of understanding what implications are there in taking someone's life away.
No, I didn't know what life is, what freedom is and, especially, I didn't, couldn't understand why people fought so hard over all these things. I barely understand it now, after going through all the suffering one person can cause in five years.
I was sixteen when I met him. Naively sixteen.
To be continued. (Cheesy, I know)
Disenchanted
Cu totii am crezut ca o data cu schimbarea asta toate lucrurile se vor transforma in bine. Am luptat ca niste idioti, nu am dormit nopti intregi, planuind fiecare lovitura, trecand prin fiecare plan de o mie de ori, totul doar pentru a da poporului acesta de nerecunoscatori libertatea, fara a lasa vreo dovada ca noi am fost in spatele chestiei asteia.
Era o dimineata rece. Simteam aerul inghetat de decembrie arzandu-mi plamanii dar nu imi era, nu imi permiteam sa imi fie frig. Misiunea mea consta in a sta in fata cladirii principale a palatului de vara si sa astept semnul. O data cu acest semn venea permisiunea mea de a ma strecura in cladire si de a face absolut tot ce-mi sta in putere pentru a opri incoronarea.
Am asteptat semnul o ora si jumatate. Abia cand am vazut oamenii regelui iesind din palat si indreptandu-se catre mine, am inteles. Planul daduse gres.
Am reusit sa ii pierd la iesirea din oras. Nu puteam sa ma intorc acasa si nici nu puteam sa raman in oras... Aveam sa stau ascuns in locuinta de vara a parintilor mei cateva luni, apoi aveam sa incerc din nou.
In cele doua ore petrecute in trasura, singurul lucru la care m-am gandit era bietul Henri.. Daca nu il omorasera inca, sigur aveau sa il omoare in urmatoarele ore dupa felurite incercari de a afla cine au fost initiatorii.
Mi-am ridicat intamplator ochii spre orizontul insangerat.. Orasul parea atat de linistit, fara sa stie cat de aproape a fost de libertate.
Era o dimineata rece. Simteam aerul inghetat de decembrie arzandu-mi plamanii dar nu imi era, nu imi permiteam sa imi fie frig. Misiunea mea consta in a sta in fata cladirii principale a palatului de vara si sa astept semnul. O data cu acest semn venea permisiunea mea de a ma strecura in cladire si de a face absolut tot ce-mi sta in putere pentru a opri incoronarea.
Am asteptat semnul o ora si jumatate. Abia cand am vazut oamenii regelui iesind din palat si indreptandu-se catre mine, am inteles. Planul daduse gres.
Am reusit sa ii pierd la iesirea din oras. Nu puteam sa ma intorc acasa si nici nu puteam sa raman in oras... Aveam sa stau ascuns in locuinta de vara a parintilor mei cateva luni, apoi aveam sa incerc din nou.
In cele doua ore petrecute in trasura, singurul lucru la care m-am gandit era bietul Henri.. Daca nu il omorasera inca, sigur aveau sa il omoare in urmatoarele ore dupa felurite incercari de a afla cine au fost initiatorii.
Mi-am ridicat intamplator ochii spre orizontul insangerat.. Orasul parea atat de linistit, fara sa stie cat de aproape a fost de libertate.
